The Little Green Stick
“Wisdom in all worldly affairs, it seems to me, consists not in recognizing what must be done but in knowing what to do first and then what comes after.”
A towering man whose life was concerned with purpose, pain and prose but love none the less was there and valued above all. Count Leo Nikolayevich Tolstoy is a Russian Literary giant and a century after his death, his life is still looked upon in reverence from some and disdain from others. Fallen into the pages of history, like many before him, he has become legend and the idea that he was ever even human is carelessly overlooked due to the pedestal he has been placed on by the insecurity of the current human state. There have been many people throughout time who we have put on that pedestal, up in the sky, in some kind of moral and wise heaven that we wouldn’t be able to reach ourselves and then we laugh nervously when they say ‘you can do it too’. The beauty of Leo is that he lived in such a way, when he was younger, that many people can relate to and is seemingly ‘more human’ than other teachers who are held in the same regard. He had more questions than answers, shallow pleasures, guilt cycles and tumultuous thoughts and actions. He was no saint, which makes his life story and philosophies all the more interesting and applicable.
Not only did he conquer the fiction world with his incredible ability to immortalise his own life experiences through characters that fell from his head to his pen, but he also left a huge mark on the realm of personal and social development that is still exceptionally relevant. He lived in an age where he was perfectly positioned to influence so many people who would become legends themselves including Victor Hugo and Mahatma Gandhi. Born in 1828 at his family’s estate ‘Yasnaya Polyana’ to Count Nikolai Tolstoy and Countess Mariya Tolstaya, Leo was the fourth of five children. The Tolstoy family was of old Russian nobility and lived in the silver spoon luxury such a title and family history affords. Financial freedom was the only security the family were rendered as, even though the family were exceptional honorable and moral outliers of their time, death seemed to come all too soon for all too many. Leo’s mother died when he was only two years old and her memory would serve as a moral pinnacle that would some times cause and others times soothe his darkest moments of despair and anguish.
It was at Yasnaya Polyana Lev’s older brother, Nikolay, told a five year old Leo that he knew the secret of how to make the whole of humanity happy. He had written the secret on a little green stick and buried it in the forest. The one who would find the green stick could make all people happy, ensure there were no wars and cure all diseases. Leo’s incredible and idealistic imagination ran wild with this story and would often look for the stick, hoping to bring peace and happiness to all. The story was something that would evolve with him as he grew older, from a fable to an obsession for knowledge on how to help himself and his fellow man.
“I then believed that there was a little green stick whereon was written something which would destroy all evil in men and give them great blessings, so I now believe that such truth exists among people and will be revealed to them and will give them what it promises.”
Two years later the Tolstoy family moved to Moscow so the boys could attend school and that summer life was upended when Leo’s father died suddenly. The two older children stayed in Moscow and Leo and the other young ones moved back to Yasnaya Polyana. Naturally, Leo took his father’s death extremely hard and watched his Grandmother, who lived with them, suffer severely at the loss of her son. He would also experience this profound loss later in life, outliving six children of his own. His Grandmother died two years later. Aunt Aline, who the two eldest boys were living with in Moscow, also died so the children were reunited in 1841 when Leo was thirteen. They were all moved to Kazan to be with Aunt Helena Yushkof. Aunt Helena was married to the Governor of Kazan and they lived in the Grand Governor’s Residence. It is this time of upheaval, loss of innocence, and death that caused Leo to ask his first deep and painful questions on death, happiness and spirituality. With questions in his head, a heavy heart and steadfast saintly memories of his parents, he was forging a strong and an exceptional value based personality that enabled him to become emotionally self reliant yet the standards he wanted to live up to would forever, and unforgivably to him, fall short.
The first of many dour moral tests that would rupture his standards came not long after his fourteenth birthday when Leo’s older brothers decided it was time for him to be introduced to sex. They took him to a brothel which was located next to a monastery where Leo’s Grandfather was buried. The act itself for young and innocent Leo was a great sacrilege, being a child and losing both parents whose memories stood for all that was incorruptible and pure made this transition relentlessly deplorable and would cast a shadow throughout his life and work. He became completely at odds with his sexual desires and moral beliefs. This dissonance would be cemented in him forever, even to the point where, although be it much later on, he would preach abstinence.
“When my brothers took me for the first time to a brothel and I accomplished this act, I then stood by the woman’s bed and wept.”
The values he once held so dear seemed to slip away from him and the moral perfection and strength Leo aimed for would become as far away from him as his parents, mere ghosts in a mind of someone so young. From then on he fell into the abyss of pain and self loathing that such a rift in the seams of a heart would cause but he would never stop striving. Leo started university at the age of sixteen with grand plans of an incredible education. He was studying Law and Oriental Languages which excited him greatly yet the University system, he found, did not live up to his expectations. He felt as though the uniformity was draining and his personality and intelligence were being washed away every time he entered the noisy halls of young adults. Leo was bored by lectures and disappointed in the lack of astuteness and competence of the lecturers. Teachers labeled him unable and unwilling to learn which is where you start to see the first sparks of Leo’s contempt for uniformity and authority start to fly. Many amazing and bright minds, even today, have been left disappointed with traditional schooling, yet have folded under the lack of other culturally accepted options but Leo would not buckle as he desired knowledge and would never let someone stand in his way of that. His teachers tried in vain to get him to attend lectures even to the point of incarcerating him overnight in the University Prison to which a former student who spent the night with him recalled that Leo produced a candle from his boot and spent the night impersonating the University Staff.
It was around this time Leo started keeping diaries. It helped him learn and understand information, also help him form an opinion on what he was learning and he would decide whether it would give value to him and society. The diaries also became a place where he would regularly voice his displeasure with himself, others and the situations he found himself in. He became more and more alienated from the education system as time went by and he found it increasingly hard to be there. It was never the case that Leo did not want an education or lacked ambition, he actually had written out a plan of his own. He wanted an education second to none and wrote in his diary that he wanted to study Law, Medicine, Agriculture, Mathematics, Languages, Music, Natural Science and the list went on.
“If education is good, then the need for it will manifest itself like hunger.”
Leo’s high expectations of himself ensured his desire to always be the strongest, most intelligent and well educated model of a man, something he knew a university education would not give him so he bode his time until he would take his education into his own hands. He was constantly making lists and failing spectacularly at completing them. One of the many facets of why he failed, but probably one of the biggest reasons, was Leo’s sexual appetite. He detailed his sexual exploits and the large amount of guilt that came with such a choice of pastime in his diaries.
The diary entries surprise many people because of how uncompromisingly honest he was in them, it’s amazing to think that a man who has had such an incredible influence on literature and the evolution of a spiritual movement was so wasteful and spiritually corrupt early on in his life. But what many fail to see is that it was these times, experiences and his pure tendency to be human and deal with life the best he could, helped shape and influence him in such a profound way that we reap the benefits of today. Leo himself even failed to recognise the benefit of living the life he did. He never managed to live up to his own black and white expectations and instead of forgiving and resolving the past, the guilt took hold and haunted him until death. Needless to say Leo did not finish his studies and abruptly left the University when he inherited his portion of the family estate which also included Yasnaya Polyana to which he returned immediately.
The next few years saw Leo reveal in his diaries a bleak and dispiriting youth which went in vicious self destructive circles of shallow pleasures and morbid remorse. Alcohol, sex and gambling were his tedious forms of abuse at this time and after racking up heavy emotional and gambling debt, in the Spring of 1851 he left Yasnaya Polyana and joined the army with his older brother Nikolay. He spent his initial time there chasing women and was involved in the occasional raid which he very much enjoyed but there was very little to do. With his spirits raised, an acceptable amount of purpose and plenty of time on his hands Leo decided to write his first book. Even though at this stage he was still the epitome of narcissism and self loathing, the light and love from the memories of his parents was strong and the book became a place where he could relive the time he had with his parents. Many say the memories are nothing but idyllic fantasies, but it was true to Lev and afforded him something he dearly wanted- more time with his parents. ‘Childhood’ (1852) was an immediate success with the Russian public and became the first of a trilogy, ‘Boyhood’ (1854) and ‘Youth’ (1857).
Further down the line of time Lev was moved into the heart of raw and unforgiving battlefields where he discovered firsthand the barbaric pointlessness and sheer terror of war that he would later write grandly and profusely about. His moral backbone started to take on some serious form once again and his observations were that of a mind open enough to become an independent observer, not only of the battlefield, but also the government and what motivates man to ever involve himself or his country in such a heartbreaking nightmare.
“In all history there is no war which was not hatched by the governments, the governments alone, independent of the interests of the people, to whom war is always pernicious even when successful. The government assures the people that they are in danger from the invasion of another nation, or from foes in their midst, and that the only way to escape this danger is by the slavish obedience of the people to their government. This fact is seen most prominently during revolutions and dictatorships, but it exists always and everywhere that the power of the government exists. Every government explains its existence, and justifies its deeds of violence, by the argument that if it did not exist the condition of things would be very much worse.”
Lev was learning quickly to rise above collective ignorance and obedience and saw that the problems not lay within the threats or proclaimed tyranny of other nations but in the hearts of every individual who blindly used the word ‘patriotism’ to justify violence and murder for men in government who would never know the true meaning of war. Lev also came to the conclusion that he was killing men who were as ignorant and obedient to their own governments propaganda as he once was. He would often talk and write about this knowledge yet would not find a way to actually walk the direct line of this new talk until much later. In 1855 Lev left the army when he received news that his brother Dimitri had fallen gravely ill. He made it to Dimitri’s bedside just before he succumbed to Tuberculosis, the same disease that would take his other beloved brother Nikolay in 1860.
With a whole new outlook on the world and new set of regrets, Lev spent the next few years in his usual way of coping with life — unrestrained passions and guilt. Gambling and womanising, Lev set off on travels across Western Europe. Childhood had been translated into English so his reputation and fame as a novelist had grown rapidly which allowed him to meet and spend a lot of time with many other talented and noted writers.
“I put men to death in war, I fought duels to slay others. I lost at cards, wasted the substance wrung from the sweat of peasants, punished the latter cruelly, rioted with loose women, and deceived men. Lying, robbery, adultery of all kinds, drunkenness, violence, and murder, all were committed by me, not one crime omitted, and yet I was not the less considered by my equals to be a comparatively moral man. Such was my life for ten years.”
Once Leo returned from his travels his life was to change drastically. He fell in love. In September of 1862, at the age of thirty four, he married the sister of one of his friends, nineteen year old Sofia. The drastic changes and drama that ensued between two different but powerful souls is now looked upon as one of the most heart wrenchingly difficult relationships in the history of writers circles. Although, according to the diaries, the relationship flourished in the first few years, regardless of the fact that the night before Sofia and Leo were married he gave her all his diaries which detailed his sexual rendezvous, his innermost thoughts, his time at war and debts, and made her read them. He saw this as a service to his new wife, affording her an insight not many get into a new love by letting her read of his thoughts and feelings. This, understandably, afflicted Sofia with jealousy and mistrust that would periodically raise it’s head in especially hard times for their entire marriage. Regardless, she loved him, nurtured his talent and gave him thirteen children.
In 1862 Leo wrote ‘War and Peace’ a novel that solidified his place as one of the greatest novelists of all time and is still revered and studied widely today. Almost ten years later he wrote Anna Karenina which, similar to all his work, alluded to his own life and the beginnings of his own spiritual crisis where he was guilted by his own egocentric want of literary fame and wealth and even contemplated suicide to escape the anguish of his internal struggle.
“Some change in my mode of life must result; yet that change must not come of an external circumstance- rather, of a movement of spirit : wherefore I keep finding myself confronted with the question “What is the aim of man’s life?” and, no matter what result my reflections reach, no matter what I take to be life’s source, I invariably arrive at the conclusion that the purpose of our human existence is to afford a maximum of help towards the universal development of everything that exists.”
That summer he read a book that was to change his mind and set him on his final path- German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer’s ‘The World as Will and Representation’. Leo reveled in the transcendental idealism and became a devoted student of the subject for the entire summer. Transcendental idealism, in short, states that we shape our world and our experiences through our mind. This is a common idea for us now, with not only philosophers and spiritual teachers jumping on board but also quantum physicists; but back in 1724 when Immanuel Kant, Schopenhauer’s inspiration, started lecturing on the subject in Russia, he and his predecessors were deeply criticised and critiqued.
This new found level of awareness excited Leo and he found himself devouring the information, corresponding with other adept authorities on the subject and also writing his own essays and short stories outlining his ideology and harshly criticising the government and church. These included ‘Confessions’ (1879), ‘A Short Exposition of the Gospels’ (1881), ‘What I Believe’ (1882), ‘On Life Death’ (1892), ‘The Kingdom of God Is Within You’ (1893), ‘The Law of Love and the Law of Violence’ (1908) and many, many more including ‘Resurrection’ (1901) which caused Leo to be excommunicated by the Russian Orthodox Church. Regardless of this rejection by the church, Leo’s popularity was unwavering and he had a large following of disciples devoted to ‘Tolstoyism’.
The Tolstoyans believed that society could be changed through individual religious and moral self-perfection; they advocated universal love and passive nonresistance to evil. Although they identified with Christianity they were by no means ‘orthodox’ Christians. Their beliefs earned them the name ‘Christian Anarchists’ due to their outspoken disapproval of the Church and Government.
‘It is usually asked, ‘what will there be instead of Governments?’
There will be nothing. Something that has long been useless, and therefore superfluous and bad, will be abolished. An organ that, being unnecessary, has become harmful, will be abolished.’
The movement was dangerous to it’s followers in Russia, and it still would be in this day and age. People who spoke out in Russia during this time of extreme Socialism were jailed, exiled and some even murdered. Leo, no doubt due to his status and wealth, managed to keep his freedom although no publishing companies would go near many of his new books on the highly controversial topics, so they were circulated as essays.
Nonviolent resistance would be one of Leo’s greatest legacies and although he talked a better game than he played, he really was an inspiration. Mahatma Gandhi who became a friend of Leo’s after reading ‘The Kingdom of God Is Within You’ carried on his friend’s legacy and proved the efficiency of nonviolent resistance in his successful campaign to help India gain independence from the British.
In 1903 regardless of his spiritual beliefs and success in spreading the word, Leo was still at odds with himself and extremely tormented. He regretted much and wanted to relinquish anything that reminded him of his materialistic, murderous and egocentric ‘old life’. The trouble at home also added to his woes with family and followers fighting over his diaries and wealth.
“I am now suffering the torments of hell: I am calling to mind all the infamies of my former life — these reminiscences do not pass away and they poison my existence. Generally people regret that the individuality does not retain memory after death. What a happiness that it does not! What an anguish it would be if I remembered in this life all the evil, all that is painful to the conscience, committed by me in a previous life...What a happiness that reminiscences disappear with death and that there only remains consciousness.”
Leo wanted to renounce his ancestral claim to his estate and all of his worldly impedimenta, all his family but his youngest daughter Alexandra scorned him. After a final fight with his wife Sofia who feared much for the family’s well being and financial security, Leo made the decision to leave and start anew. On the 28th of October 1910 he left in the middle of the night. After visiting his sister in Moscow he caught a train to Astapovo, five hours from Moscow. Whilst on the train Leo came down with pneumonia and when he arrived at Astapovo he was taken straight into the Station Master’s home to be seen by a Doctor and became too ill to leave. He died on November 20, 1910 in the Station Master’s house. Although he wanted no ceremony or ritual, thousands showed up to pay their respects. He was buried in a simple wooden coffin near where Nikolay buried ‘the little green stick’ in Yasnya Polyana, the place where Leo may finally find peace, the secret to happiness and end all his suffering.
“All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”
In a world full of contrast and magnifying glasses, over a century later not all that much has changed in the world. It is rife with inequalities, insecure violence and secretive and suppressive governments with people obediently following to ensure their patriotism is never questioned. That’s not a criticism, I have no judgement of people wanting to be left alone so they tow the line. Leo’s name is constantly thrown back into the limelight, due to the re-releases of books or movies being made, although celebrated, it wouldn’t be the way he would really want to be remembered. There are two lessons we can learn from Leo that I would like to shine a spotlight on-
One: Question everything. It will lead you to revelations and you will be afforded a wisdom that many others are not because people believe all information that is packaged for them in their own beliefs about the world. The world is bigger and more complex than any one persons belief system. This was half of Leo’s charm and power, he questioned everything and was able to stand outside of a situation. This is what led him down the nonviolent resistant path and although he was not the first man to tread this path, his legacy and writings on the matter are one of the strongest and widely recognised and, I believe, will have a larger place in the future than it does now.
Freedom is fragile, with even the ‘first world’ countries flailing in the wake of suppression from the immoral and greedy. Being an independent observer, questioning and educating yourself are the best and strongest tools at the level of the individual and Leo’s unfailing thirst for knowledge and understanding allowed himself and so many others more justice than relying on governments or corporations for education ever will.
Two: don’t be so hard on yourself. This was Leo’s largest downfall and caused him so much pain. He regretted dealing with life in the way he did and was unforgiving of any mistake he made, no matter how small. We all do that to ourselves in varying degrees. We act as judge, jury and executioner and chop our heads off which leads to headless thoughts and actions and ends in a downward spiral. Life, albeit incredibly hard at times is here to serve us as students, not treat us as victims and we should approach it that way. Failure is an option and a chance to move forward and grow. Doing the wrong thing often serves us, as long as we learn from it and are willing to be open and admit we made a mistake.
Suppression, fear and guilt rob people of their ability to do good in any circumstance and rather than doing good, it leads down the path of ‘hope’ which paralyses people more so than moves them. These negative emotions are culturally accepted and we think that people who are self deprecating are humble and those who believe in themselves are vain. We have a mixed and muddled idea of what makes a good person and we are ready to pass judgement at any given moment. It is exceptionally important to understand your values, stand by them as best you can and forgive yourself, learn and move on when you fail to stand by them. That is the beauty of life, it provides opportunity for growth and affords you a fresh start every 24 hours.
There is so much more to learn from Count Leo Nikolayevich Tolstoy and there are many who still proudly call themselves his students. He was human, no different, better or worse than you and I and we all have our own personal rendezvous with destiny that can be just as grand as Leo’s if we afford ourselves the possibility that… we are great.
“Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is the one thing we are interested in here.”
